New Life in a Season of Cold

I like the seasons of the year – but preferably not all in one day! We’ve had three months of summer and are now firmly in the autumn months. We wake up in the morning to feel the cold of the passing night. The days warm to ten or so degrees; sometimes there is sun and sometimes cloud and rain. But there’s a regularity about the general shape of the days. And in the background we are conscious that as the months draw on it will get colder and winter takes over. But even that’s not the end of it. We know that come September or so the temperature will rise as spring and summer come round again. All regular as clockwork, but with enough day-by-day variation to preclude boredom.

But our inter-personal relationships are not like the weather. While it’s true that they do have a good deal of routine about them, unlike the weather we can do much to control our relationships with each other. For example, suppose we have a row with someone close to us. The row may be followed by one or both of us inflicting the other with the silent treatment. There are two possibilities for repairing our relationship. On the one hand we could just ignore the row and wait for the cold season (the winter of our discontent – Shakespeare’s ‘Richard III’) to pass and some normality to return. On the other hand, unlike the weather, we do have some control over the temperature of our relationships.

The winter of our discontent doesn’t have to be allowed to run its course until the spring comes. Apology and forgiveness are a wonderful remedy for warming the cold shoulder. I‘ve found in my own life that where there’s been a row, leaving a coldness behind it, I try to find some aspect of our disagreement about which I can sincerely apologise and ask forgiveness. That’s usually possible even when I know that the row is primarily the fault of the other person!!! Even if it takes the other person a while to accept my apology and forgive me, I, in the meantime, can feel at peace while I wait – I’ve at least done what I can.

We can do nothing to control the weather; but we can do quite a lot to move our relationships from winter to spring, and spring to summer. Let’s be careful to always move our relationships towards summer and avoid bringing on the winter cold.

Rory Redmayne